How Beauty Influences Identity
We all have a point in time when we felt pulled toward or pushed away from our own interpretation of beauty. Think back to younger years. Can you remember what it was like to to receive your first makeup kit? Did you see endless artistic possibilities or were you terrified of trying and failing? Did you pretend you were a princess when your best friend painted your nails or were you focused on that little bit brushed onto your cuticle? Or did you experience shame and ridicule when your fabulous fashion choice ended up feeling like a fashion faux pas? I am the possibilities princess who was probably the inspiration for the term “fashion faux pas.” Oh man, those were some wild years!
Our encounters with beauty shape our viewpoint of what beauty means to us. Whether we realize it or not, they influence how we embrace and define ourselves at a fundamental level. My first awareness of the power of beauty was watching my mother prepare for my father’s arrival home from work each day. She would stop everything to take rollers out of her hair, dab an Avon rose scented perfume on her neck and wrists, and apply a dark colored lipstick. Now keep in mind, she was also caring for 4 young children, preparing dinner, and making sure the house was in some semblance of order before he walked through the door. It wasn’t the act of fixing her hair or putting on lipstick which intrigued me, it was how she changed when she did. She went from what seemed like a busy, overworked mother to a confident woman in less than 30 minutes. She stood taller, she spoke louder, she smiled. It was in these moments when I realized beauty is defined by how we feel, not how we look. There was no magic in her lipstick, it was simply a tool she used to access a different version of herself.
This idea was reinforced during my encounters with my paternal grandmother. She raised 12 children on an 80 acre farm in rural Minnesota, losing one to Leukemia and saving one from Polio. She grew her own food, washed clothes from a well, did all her cooking and baking on a wood stove, and had no indoor bathroom. Her day began before sunrise. She stood tall, she moved quickly, and always wore an apron. From what I could see, she had no time or use for makeup. I’m not sure she even owned a lipstick. In fact, the only beauty routine I observed was in the evenings when her day was done. After changing to her night clothes, she removed the four pins holding up her loose bun and let her long silver hair fall. It was then, with her bristled brush in hand, that she cared for herself with intention. I watched as her breath went from shallow to deep and for those moments, she was able to close her eyes and return to her essence amongst the weight of responsibility.
We must not allow our desire to appear beautiful overshadow the fact that we are beautiful. Makeup is simply a way to access a different version of ourselves, a social currency, which can make it easier to navigate a superficial world. Are you comfortable in your own beauty with or without makeup? I would challenge you to learn both worlds. In doing so, you will open doors to the parts of yourself that have been waiting for your time and attention.